Dear Creepy Gym Guy:

Hello there. I realize that you must not have noticed that there were seven other recumbent bikes available to you when you sat at the one right next to mine. Those zany gym employees line up the bikes in a very confusing fashion making it almost impossible to discern which one to sit at. Gym etiquette can be tricky so it's a good thing we're only talking about personal space issues here. No, of course it didn't make me uncomfortable when you mentioned that you'd "join me for a ride."

I smiled politely when you went on and on about the fact that I'd been riding my bike for an hour. Thank you for referring to me as tenacious. That's not often an adjective people use in conjunction with exercising.

Of course it didn't unnerve me at all when you leaned over to look at the speed with which I pedaled. I understand you may have just wanted to know what an average girl sets her bike to. That's not at all weird.

It's also not weird that you were working out in your cut off short-shorts and construction boots. Perhaps you just wanted to show off your Village People Halloween costume. Trust me, it looked very authentic and not in the least bit odd on a man of your age. Plenty of fifty year olds wear their shorts with the pocket lining peeking out from the hem.

I also want to thank you for repeatedly referring to your "then" wife. I got the hint loud and clear that you are a swinging single. Emphasis on the word "swinging".  I take all the blame for not wearing my wedding ring in such a perplexing manor.  I mean, what were you supposed to assume?  

I thought that the anecdotes of days when you would bring your daughter to the gym just to get a break were adorable. There is no shame in being a stay at home dad...twenty years ago. You're obviously a trend setter. I'm sure in no way were you a free loader. You certainly don't strike me as such.

I also don't blame you for not noticing that I was reading while pedaling.  My open book could've been a prop for all you knew.  OH, and just FIY the red juice in my water bottle was Crystal Light, not a Cosmo.  But that was a super funny joke for sure!  

I want to thank you for taking a moment to come invade my happy place during the last sweet seven minutes of free time I had to work out kid-less.  I'm sure you won't mind being blog fodder.  In fact, knowing you, you're gesticulating to all the pretty girls reading this right now.  You're so sweet to be convinced that we secretly all want it.  

Sincerely, 

Heather